George Michael, I'm Inconsolable...

I spent more years having you alive in my life than I had a living Mother. Stupid how things are, the things we take for granted and that suddenly aren't anymore. So stupid...
I'm grieving as though you were a close relative, a loved one in my inner circle of few loved ones. But you were a relative who kept me company so often and for so long. I still can't come to terms with referring to you in the past. I read the news and I'm still perplexed that the man who died is you and not somebody else. Disbelief. Denial. Rage. All those grieving stages I've covered but I don't know when the last stage will happen. Accepting you died and that you are not just secluded away from the world... that's a tough one.
Never have I cried over the passing of a public figure. Not until you died. I cried the entire morning of yesterday. I cried until a loved one, from a time much after you happened to me, took me out to do things that might distract me from the pain of you. Little, momentary solace. The morning today still found me inconsolable. I read all the wonderful obituaries, the eloquent words that now say you were the greatest amongst the great of this Earth but they don't quite mean what you mean to me. Now they are making an activist out of you. Imagine, you an activist! How so very stupid too. They are condensing your genius into a label that you did not seek.
For me, you are not the George Michael of LGBT activism, the George Michael of tabloid scandal. You are the George Michael that pioneered the Boys Bands that sing "Inconsolable". You are the George Michael of the songs that reflected my growing up and were simultaneous with the process of my coming of age. You are the George Michael of incredible vocal range and talent as songwriter of the modern classics. You are pop and every bit the embodiment of what pop is. My heart will always and forever love you but for now I'm inconsolable...
RIP (even if I can't say that just now, not yet...)